Mental illusions, just call me David fucking Copperfield.

My mind and its thoughts are at times distressingly similar to a visual illusion, the kind where you look at a picture and at first you see a beautiful young woman but later a withered old crone and after a while you can’t work out which picture is more real.

Situations come up in my life and I try to be thoughtful, not too reactionary, cautious and considerate but sometimes all that comes of that is that I think about them for so long I can’t even work out what my real opinion is anymore. Am I being patient, or am I being a mug and letting myself be taken for a ride? Am I being defeatist, or realistic? Do I deserve better, or am I spoiled?

How you untangle these contradictory thoughts is an utter fucking mystery to me. How do I find the tiny thread of what I genuinely think and want in amongst all the crap of what I think I should think, what I want to think, what my friends think I should think, what I thought the last time round and how right or wrong I was that time.

I am frozen in inaction, and utterly without a fucking clue.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s