This is the sound I make when I try to sit down, for examply when I wish to visit the toilet. Or when I bend down to pick up a stray pingpong ball some strangers have let fly in the street, and then look like a crazy grunting lady.
Why so much pain?
After the Monday ab class of pain I took Tuesday off from exercising and hit it with a vengeance again on Wednesday. I almost didn’t bother, but decided at the last minute to do a “Fat Burner Interval” class. Now, to me that signifies circuit training, or tabata, or something else evil and painful, so I psyched myself up and joined the surprisingly small class, populated only by 4 slim young women, me and a really big, older woman.
I asked what equipment I would need and the rather gorgeous instructor told me “just a step, this is a step aerobics class”. Hmmmm. Ok. Not what I was expecting.
The music starts up and we are all instructed to “Marchier” (march). Ok. I can march. Then it’s marching and stepping up and clapping, soon adding in kicks and knee lifts. No problems! I’m doing great!
Wait, what…. “Pas des bouree, mambo-cha-cha, turn, kick, fly (!!)….” Do what now? Where? This is no Fat Burner Interval class! This is not even a step-aerobics class.. this is a fucking dance-step-aerobics class for which I am woefully unprepared!
The skinny young things are all pas de boureeing like their fucking lives depend on it, gracefully positioning their arms and barely working up a sweat, whilst I trip over the fucking step whilst trying to mambo-cha-cha in one direction whilst looking over my shoulder at the feet of the instructor behind me to figure out what the fuck is going on.
Thank God for the big, older lady, because she was even worse than me – at least I was usually facing the right way, and at least standing on the correct leg.
I have to say, thanks to us, the instructor actually looked depressed by the end. Obviously no repeat performance there.
Anyway, whilst it was pretty funny, it wasn’t much of a fitness challenge, so I decided at the last minute to stay on for the next class: BBP (Beine, Baum & Po – legs, tum and bum).
What a mistake. It was brutal.
The instructor was quite clearly a Thai boxer of some description by the way she held herself and did knee lifts, and she was also staying on to teach the Body Combat course afterwards. She was GORGEOUS. About 6 ft tall, wide shoulders, narrow hips, beautiful toned arms, perfect stomach, really nice seeming…. bitch.
And her BBP course is hard. Really hard. I had to stop once or twice even…. maybe more than twice… Ok, shut up: all the time.
One girl nearly fainted and then cried, but then she was a weirdo who showed up with no shoes, so that’s not saying much.
I knew I was going to suffer for that course in the coming days, and probably shouldn’t have done it the night before Jeff Session 2.
Plyometrics are made by the devil. And he had a 4kg medicine ball he made me do stuff with! And there were squat-thrusts! I was already starting to feel the quads burning from the previous day’s BBP course as I was executing my single-leg squats in the park, but was not really prepared for today’s pain.
I even thought, optimistically, about hitting the gym again today…. maybe not.
In other news, the diet is going very well and I now have my official metabolic-typing diet to be getting on with. The main different I’ve noticed since cutting carbs is that I’m alot less hungry and I also have lost some general interest in food. Like, this morning I woke up hungry and then realised I couldn’t face another plate of scrambled eggs (1 yolk, 3 whites) so just didn’t bother and had coffee instead. Not ideal, I know. Eggs, salad, meat, it feels very limiting, but it’s already working: I’ve lost a couple of cms off my waist and a couple off my hips, and I noticed my first actual loss on the scales this morning in many, many months. So, hungry and bored or no, I’m keeping going.
Right, time for a good stretch and then maybe a coffee in the hot sun!